I wish this was a post about some really awesomly cool stockings that I just finished making, but that is certainly not the case today. Eric and I have decided to take away Rion and Hailey's Christmas Stockings this year, due to the lack of responsibility we have seen over the passed several months.
It all came to a head yesterday when they were supposed to clean up the living room. Now, it wasn't exactly THAT dirty, so we didn't think this was going to be much of an issue. Alas. When confronted about it about 1/2 hour later, Rion instantly started saying that Hailey wasn't helping and Hailey was saying that she already did half the work. This is a typical argument that has risen recently which basically means that neither one has done anything. That was verified by simply looking at the living room. Not only that, but on the way to the living room from our bedroom, we noticed that the loft (which was cleaned the night before) was once again the center of a war zone. Needless to say, we were done!
I'm not incredibly proud of going to drastic measures. Not only did we take away the stockings this Christmas, but we told them that if they don't keep the house clean and take care of things they play with, then we'd continue taking away parts of Christmas. And, they can't play with friends or watch movies the rest of the week.
So, is this too harsh? Has anyone else used any tried-and-true tactics to instill responsibility in children? I've even tried cleaning up with them and showing them how it needs to look, especially over the last month or so, but this doesn't seem to be helping them to realize they shouldn't be letting it get that dirty in the first place. Help!
10 comments:
Kim, one thing that Aaron is always reminding me is "Kids are kids" and that messes mean fun! But you are right in that they need to be responsible about those messes. Have you tried a timer? My boys hate it when I set a timer, but it works. My boys also loose computer/wii time if they don't get their stuff done. Aaron grow up with a "Gunny Sack" which has worked well with our boys. At night, before bed, if everything is not picked up, Aaron gets out a paper bag and walks through the house, anything left our gets "gunny sacked" and taken away for a time. It works really good, and when we say we are going to "Gunny Sack" they all run around frantically picking up. My challenge is their bedrooms. I once read a quote that said something to the effect that their bedroom is "their" space, and the only one that they can really claim and that they should be allowed to keep it how they want. I HATE messy rooms, I feel like it makes me look like a bad mom, but I have learned to just let this go! I do still make their rooms be one of their chores and the cleanest room at night is our "prayer room" for prayers that night. Hope this all helps. I have a quote hanging in our home that says, "Excuse the mess, my children are busy making memories."
Thanks, Tory! These are some wonderful thoughts! We have tried the "anything left will be taken" thing...and they just go "okay". LOL I guess it's time to clear away the excess too! I'll try some of these and let you know how they work!
You know, blogging is so awesome! It's a great way to get so many ideas all in one area from moms everywhere!
I have the same struggle with my girls, but with their room. I set a time limit for them and give them consequences if they don't meet a goal.
Here is a website that could possibly help you out. It seems pretty cool, but I have yet to try it myself.
http://www.housefairy.org/
It is designed to help kids with keeping their room clean, but it may give you ideas in helping your kids with other responsibilities.
We have come to accept that our kids make messes but we also are teaching them they are responsible for those messes. I don't know that we would go so far as to take parts of Christmas away, but we do take other priviledges away, like the Wii, TV, movies, playing with friends, etc. We will also confiscate the toys they don't pick up and they have to earn them back. It doesn't always go as we hope. For instance Malia was told to pick up her room before dance one day. She had 2 1/2 hrs to do it so you would think she would have had it done. Well, she didn't and so I had to take away her dance lesson that day. It killed me to do it too because she loves dance and I paid for the lesson. Luckily her teacher is understanding and allowed us to make up the lesson. Needless to say she is doing better at listening and making sure her messes are cleaned up before her dance class. :) Now I just need to work on the other 6 days a week.
Good luck! I hope you can find something that works for you!
Well, one thing you can NOT do now is give them back their Christmas stockings. Otherwise, they'll know that you'll cave if the stakes are high enough.
Bagging things certainly works if it's something the kids use a lot - it worked on me and my siblings! They may say "Okay" when you threaten to remove it but when it's gone, they're like, "Oh. Wait a minute."
I also ignore the mess all day until it's time for bed, and picking up is part of our evening routine. With 2 toddlers, there's no point in cleaning up multiple times a day because it just gets messed up again 30 seconds later. I vacuum first thing in morning before they have a chance to create the next disaster, so that gets done regularly.
You know that I HATE "messy" but I have really mellowed out on the house being spotless. I feel so less stressed now. Sometimes I even leave the mess for the next day. But the kids do understand that they need to clean up. I made a chore chart last year that I posted in the hallway by their bedrooms. It worked really well. It was on one page for the 3 older kids. It was listed as:
Morning Chores (Before school)
Make bed
Brush teeth
Toys & all messes cleaned up
etc...(I had 9 items)
Afternoon Chores (After school)
Put backpack away
Toys & all messes cleaned up
etc...(I had 9 items)
Evening Chores (Before Bed)
Clothes in laundry
Toys & all messes cleaned up
etc...(I had 5 items)
Before we hung up the list, we had a family meeting and discussed all items and made sure they understood what was expected. If the morning chores were not done, then no snack after school (my kids are starving after school so this was a big deal to them).
If the afternoon chores weren't done then no t.v., movie, games, playing, I mean they do nothing until the chores are done. It's their choice.
If the evening chores aren't done then they went to bed 1/2 hour early the next night (posted so it is not forgotten).
I never had to yell at the kid's or keep nagging them. I only ever have to say "Are your chores done?" once.
I also on this paper have their own personal chores listed under their name which I let them decide when they choose to do it each day.
I have also made them do "extra chores" if they are not being obedient for any reason.
These extra chores are posted next to the regular chore list. It is called "Ways to Earn Money". I have extra chores listed with a money amount next to them. If they want to earn money then they know how. Or I pick one or two off the list with no pay to use as punishment. Some examples are:
Sweep porch $0.25
Clean toilet $0.50
Clean doors $0.50
I have items from $0.25-$1.00
This is considered their allowance. They choose what they earn.
I know it is a long comment but it has worked really well for us. There is never a question as to what they are suppose to do and what the consequence is if they don't.
Good luck!
Kim-
I feel like I haven't seen you forever! So I was really excited about this Saturday but Chris and I decided to leave for home that day becasue weather is supposed to be a little better. I'm really sorry, I was looking forward to seeing you! And I have been thinking about the shelf.... So you want to get together real quick here? Tomorrow, Friday? I'm really sorry for the last minute inivte! Well have a good one!
Ya know what? I'm totally with you on this one. I kind of wish I'd thought of that solution myself, and if Aggie keeps stepping out of line I may follow your example. It's not always easy to find a kid's currency when you need an ample punishment, but Christmas presents many options for currency: taking away stockings, presents one by one, other Christmas privileges. So I say good for you!
--Sarah
I don't think I was ever good till I had my own appartment. I don't think kids will ever be that good or else they wouldn't be kids. Lately I have been giving the kids a treat for keeping their rooms clean. But not my clean, their clean. I feel that it's their space and they should be able to keep it how they want it. So I take it your kids know that there isn't a santa? Cause the stocking is what santa fills right? How did you explain that one to them?
Yes, the kids believe in Santa. They know that they get one Santa gift and their stockings. They still got their Santa gift, we just told them that Santa only fills stockings if they are set out. They still got their Christmas orange from him, though, as a "try harder next year" tactic. The punishment didn't necessarily come because they weren't keeping things 'my clean'...it was because they weren't cleaning at all unless extremely compelled (this includes the living and family areas), and they fought and whined the whole time.
We do feel we did the right thing in the end. They have been more helpful and willing to clean up when asked, and haven't fought as much. I do realize that kids will be kids, but I also realize that they need to learn some amount of responsibility and consequenses along the way, both good and bad consequenses.
I appreciate everyone's comments! There are a few things that have been brought up that we are going to start implementing. I'll have a post update on our progress!
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